Slow the F$&@ Down!

Back in January I had to think really hard about whether I was going to post my 2019 goals and after the shit show that was last year, I decided against it. However, I am going to talk a little bit about my themes for the year. One of my themes for the year is improvement, but we’ll talk more about that in December. Right now I’m going to talk about the year of no.

People who know me know that I have trouble saying no to people. This is how I end up with more projects than I do time. So far this year I’ve designed a cape pattern for myself and a friend, made my cape, made a cloak for a friend, designed and crocheted a Hogwarts blanket (I’ll write all about these projects in a later blog post), designed and started another crochet projects I can’t talk about yet, and done a couple casual cosplays. It’s only the beginning of April. Maybe this doesn’t seem insane to some people, but it’s a lot of projects. I’ve been stressed, overwhelmed, and overtired since the year began. Now I’ll admit that my projects turned out great. I’m damn proud of the capes and cloak and blanket. Was it necessary to run myself ragged making them though?

After my first of three weddings was done this year, my body decided enough was enough and I spent two weeks being sick and miserable. To be honest, I’m still recovering, but it’s been a wake up call. It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to say no. Hell I’ve said it a few times this week. I can’t say yes to every social engagement and I can’t say yes to every project. I’m only one person and I’m out of spoons.

For those of you that don’t know the spoon theory, it goes like this. So everything you do uses a spoon. Now healthy people have an unlimited number, but if you have a mental or chronic illness you only have a certain number. So if I only have so many spoons and I use one to get up, one to go to work, one to make dinner and then I don’t have anymore to get through the rest of my day then I have to borrow from the next day. So it becomes a cycle. Well, through March not only did I overuse my spoons and not let them replenish, I burnt down the damn spoon store. Someone actually got me a necklace with a spoon on it and every time I look at it, it reminds me that I can only do so much and that it’s okay to take a break.

So have I learnt my lesson? Probably not, but I’m trying and I’d like to say that I have. I’m taking more time for myself, and I’ve limited my projects to a sane number that I can reasonably finish. So if I say no to you, don’t take it personally. I’m just taking care of myself.