Author: coffeeshopcynic

“I Suck” and Other Borderline Thoughts

- coffeeshopcynic

This past year has been a mental health challenge to say the least. Back in October I had depressive episode bad enough that I finally went on antidepressants. Though my depression did get better after that, my struggle was far from over.

Fast forward to January of this year and things started going downhill again. I was medicated, I didn’t have the same stresses I had back in 2018, so why wasn’t I feeling better? It all came to light when a friend mentioned a topic I didn’t want to talk about and my emotions went off the rail. I had a complete meltdown and I didn’t know why. That friend grew more concerned as I pulled away from her and shut off my phone so I could ignore her and the rest of the world.

I had so many thoughts and feelings and the emotions were clearly clouding my judgement. I wanted to immediately go see my friend and hear her say everything was going to be okay, but at the same time I had pulled away, so clearly she hated me now. Right? Wrong! This is just one of the many lies my brain tells me.

Turns out it wasn’t just my depression and anxiety that were kicking my ass. If you follow me on twitter and saw my outburst this month after I had some anon asshole tell me I shouldn’t tweet about such a “volatile illness”, then you already know this, but for the rest of you, I have Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. Don’t know what that is? You’re not alone.

BPD is commonly mistaken for bipolar disorder, and although similar, they aren’t the same. I could give you some clinical description of BPD but honestly those never make it sound great. I did way too much reading after the diagnosis, as the only things I knew about it were from watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (which is amazing and you should all go watch it!). The reading just sent me into a downward spiral as a lot of books and articles really villainize it. People with BPD are seen as volatile monsters that can’t control their emotions or maintain friendships or relationships.

Let me just say, this isn’t true. People with BPD love big. I once told a friend we have so much love in our hearts for our close friends and family that we don’t have any left for ourselves. I personally don’t really seem to have trouble maintaining friendships, but that might be because my friends (especially the select few that know I have BPD) are stubborn and refuse to let me sabotage any of the relationships in my life. The only person I struggle to love is myself, but I’m working on that. Despite the title of this blog post, I don’t suck, even if my brain lies to me sometimes and tells me I do. I’m trying my best.

Struggling to deal with emotions is a huge part of BPD. I suffer from emotion dysregulation and black-and-white thinking (using always and never statements about yourself and others that may be harmful. Example: I’m never going to be able to do this). Add my anxiety and depression into the mix and my brain is a hot mess of emotion at any given point and time. I’ve cried more in the past few months than I ever have in my life. And considering the amount I cried last year, that’s saying something. I use a mood tracker and the vast amount of sting emotions I can go through in a single day is a little crazy.

But back to my point, once I found out I had BPD and cried for a while (followed by listening to “My Diagnosis” from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on repeat), I realized the past year (longer, if I’m being honest) suddenly made so much more sense. Suddenly I knew why I was struggling to “get over” emotional situations.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it, it’s been rough. I’d like to express nothing but gratitude to the people I’ve broken down and cried on because I just couldn’t handle all the emotions anymore. Nothing with BPD is a quick fix. I meditate, do grounding exercises, see a therapist, go to a BPD support group, and do daily Dialectical Behaviour Therapy homework. I work out even when I don’t want to. I journal nightly. I work so hard to maintain my mental health, and sometimes it still fails. But I don’t give up. I’m in this for the long haul.

Now, I’m not saying any of this for sympathy. There’s nothing I hate more. I’m here to break down stigmas. I want nothing more than to spread awareness about a terribly stigmatized but not well-known mental illness. Talking about all this feels like coming out all over again (actually worse, cause I never really “came out” I just started dating women and didn’t care anymore who noticed). This is worse, because I don’t want anyone to think less of me, but the only way I’m going to break that is talking about it. So I refuse to be quiet anymore.

Higher Further Faster: What Captain Marvel Meant to Me

- coffeeshopcynic

I’d like to begin this by saying that this isn’t a review of the movie and is spoiler free.

Last night I went to see Captain Marvel and I’ve never felt so empowered. For so long we’ve waited for a woman-led Marvel movie and they finally delivered, and it was everything I wanted. However, I’m not going to talk about the movie. I’m going to talk about how it made me feel.

To be honest, I’ve had a rough week. If it could go wrong it has, and on top of that my mental health was so bad this week that I definitely spent more than one day unable to get out of bed. But I’m not here to whine about my life.

Carol Danvers is a fighter. She’s smart, witty, powerful, and yet still so beautifully human. If you’ve seen the movie you know there’s a sequence (and this isn’t a spoiler) where she keeps getting up. The odds have been stacked against her and yet she just keeps getting up.

I had a friend compare me to Carol lately. I was having a particularly bad evening and while I cried on her in her car for the umpteenth time she told me that I’m strong like Carol. That I keep getting up and that I’m a superhero. I normally struggle to believe her when she tells me these things, because clearly she sees things in me that I can’t see in myself. This though, this one I’m going to take to heart.

A superhero is all I’ve ever wanted to be. I’ve loved comics every since I was a kid and I’ve always looked up to characters like Captain Marvel, Black Widow, Kitty Pryde. However, I never thought I could ever be a superhero. I’m not special. I’m just human.

But it isn’t her powers that makes Carol Danvers special. It’s her inner strength. I know that might sound a bit cheesy, but hey, I meditate, do yoga, and light a candle and journal daily, so what do you expect from me? I may not have powers like Captain Marvel, but do you know what I can do? I can keep getting up.

Having a powerful woman superhero for little girls to look up to is so important. I know a lot of white men have been complaining about this movie, but it isn’t for them. They’ve had their movies, and it’s our turn. Every woman deserves to feel powerful, and this movie certainly made me feel this way. I may not be able to fly a plane or fight like Carol, but I can fight for myself. I can keep getting up. She gives me so much hope. That’s why these movies are so important.

Thank you Marvel and Brie Larson for giving us such a powerful film about female empowerment.

Also, if anyone wants to get me Goose, my birthday is in August.

The 91st Academy Awards: yes capes!

- coffeeshopcynic

I’ve been watching the Oscars every year for as long as I can remember. When I was a little kid I’d dress my Barbies up in gowns and pretend I was there as a fashion designer. Then as I grew older and more into film, I would try to watch as many of the movies as I could. Last year I was so mad at Hollywood that I decided not to try at all and I didn’t even watch the Oscars. This year I came back with a vengeance and not only did I try, but I succeeded in watching all 52 nominated films.

I have a lot to say about the Oscars this year, but let me start off with the fashion. After all the black last year (yes I looked up the fashion last year even though I didn’t watch the Oscars. I can’t help myself) it was nice to see colour this time. It definitely seemed to be the year of pink and I was here for it. Helen Mirren, Julia Roberts, and Angela Bassett all looked stunning in pink. Gemma Chan even looked stunning in whatever monstrosity she was wearing–extra points for hiding cookies in her pockets! Then again she could wear a paper bag and still look stunning.

Christian Siriano forever remains my hero with all his stunning designs on the red carpet last night. I mean did you see the blue dress that Octavia Spencer was wearing? Stunning! Kelly Ripa and Danielle Macdonald also looked amazing in Siriano’s designs. The real winner for the night in Siriano though was Billy Porter, who looked absolutely amazing in a Tuxedo dress. He wasn’t the only one who subverted gender expectations.

I was impressed with the number of women in fabulous pants suits as well. I am here for challenging gender norms. Amy Poehlar’s suit was amazing, but Awkwafina’s stole the show for me. Melissa McCarthy looked amazing in a pants suit as well, and it even had a cape on it, which brings me to the fact that it was also the year of capes.

Despite what Edna says the answer for me is always, YES CAPES! They may have been a bit extra, but I was loving the capes, but perhaps I’m biased because I’m making a cape for myself for a wedding coming up this year. Anyways… I didn’t mean to spend this long talking about fashion, so just a couple more things I want to mention before I move on to the actual awards.

Melissa McCarthy and Brian Tyree’s costumes when they presented the award for costume design was honestly one of my favourite parts of the night. I couldn’t stop laughing at the rabbits all over McCarthy’s cape and dress. Everyone in the room with me who hadn’t seen The Favourite were very confused, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Lastly, my favourite dress of the evening was Constance Wu’s. She looked like Belle from Beauty and the Beast and I was HERE FOR IT! Yellow can be a really hard colour to pull off well but she looked incredible in it.

On to the actual awards show itself.  First off, the decision to not have a host was their best decision. I’m okay if they never have a host again. There was no awkward monologue–although I loved the funny women of SNL doing a mock monologue–and the awards show seemed to go by much quicker without a host. We still got a few fun touches such as McCarthy and Tyree’s costumes and Keegan-Michael Key coming down from the ceiling with an Umbrella Mary Poppins style.

I was shocked Marvel actually won awards, but very happy. They deserved both costume and production design. Makeup was not a surprise, as the makeup in Vice was insane. Editing was not a surprise but was disappointing cause Bohemian Rhapsody didn’t have great editing. Sound editing and mixing were no shock, though Quiet Place deserved it more. I’m mad Green Book won best original screenplay over The Favourite. Thank God BlacKkKlansman won best adapted screenplay though. Best song was no surprise. I was shocked Free Solo won best documentary feature, because I thought RBG would win, but thank god it did because Free Solo was amazing. Animated feature was well deserved. I called all three shorts. I hated Skin but I knew it would win. Cinematography and foreign language film were well deserved wins for Roma. Visual effects was not surprising, but a disappointment because Avengers deserved it over First man. I wanted Beale Street to win for best score but I’m also happy Black Panther won.

Now for the big six. I called 4/6 of them. Regina King winning supporting was well deserved. No surprises in either actor win, though I’m annoyed Rami referred to Freddie Mercury as gay instead of Bi. I was SHOCKED Olivia Coleman bear Glen Close was extremely thrilled because she really deserved it. Alfonso winning best director for Roma was well deserved. Now best picture. I am so angry. I like Green Book but it did not deserve to win. Either Black KKklansman or Roma deserved that award and I’m still mad.

I Wore a Different Lipstick Everyday For a Month and Learned a Lot

- coffeeshopcynic

Back in November I had a few friends make fun of my slight lipstick addiction. I mean I personally don’t think the 50+ lipsticks I own is a problem, but what do I know? Anyways. One of them joked about me making a post every day for a month with a different lipstick, and because my makeup-loving and slightly stubborn heart said “challenge accepted” I knew I had to do it, So because of one comment someone made, suddenly all my friends had to put up with a month of selfies on Instagram. I have to admit though, that I didn’t finish. I only managed to post selfies 28 out of the 31 days of December (let’s blame the no man’s land zone of time between Christmas and New Years), but I still feel like that’s pretty good.

It was nice to wear different colours than I usually wear. I tend to stick to reds and nudes because I love them so much, and I neglect the other colours in my drawer of lipsticks. This forced me to go out of my norm and finally wear the orangey, purple, and pale pink lipsticks I was too afraid to wear before. Not to mention brown. I had a brown lipstick I bought for a cosplay that I had never worn and through this challenge I learned that brown lipstick is a really good look on me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a huge fan of my reds, but I’ll definitely branch out to other colours more often now.

I didn’t start it as a social experiment, but it definitely became one. I noticed that the days I got the most likes were the days I wore the most makeup (usually with a red or a dark lip). I mean, this does make sense to me. I know I pull off a red lip pretty well, and some of the makeup I did over the holidays was some of the best I’ve done. I’m not shy about my makeup skills, I know I’m good at it. However, I also noticed that the pictures that got the most comments were the ones where I wasn’t wearing makeup at all. Some days I was just too lazy to put on a full face of makeup if I was working from home or not leaving my apartment. I would usually make a self deprecating comment about not wearing makeup, because self deprecating humour is sort of my thing. That’s when I’d get the most comments, telling me that I’m beautiful without makeup, and validating me for not wearing it. The thing is, the comments were very sweet, but I don’t need validation. I know I “don’t need” makeup. That’s not why I wear it. I just really love makeup. I find doing it to be really fun. I love experimenting with colours. I feel naked without lipstick. I’m not wearing it because I think I need it to look pretty, or for anyone else; I’m wearing it because I like to. That being said, I will always accept compliments on my makeup skills.

Now what did I get out of this other than the satisfaction that I did it? I mean, I did get some free lipstick out of it so I can’t complain about that. Even more importantly,I gained confidence. A new thing I’m working on this year is taking praise and admitting when I’m good at things. It wasn’t until last year I started calling myself a writer instead of just saying “I write in my spare time”. A couple of nights ago I called myself a seamstress for the first time, so that’s another step. But those are things I get paid for sometimes, I have proof I’m good at them (even if sometimes I don’t think I am). I mean, I guess I know I’m good at makeup, but despite my confidence earlier in this post, I’m not actually very good at accepting compliments when someone tells me I am. I think this challenge helped me get over that a bit. I mean, I didn’t do a full face of makeup for it everyday but when I did, it was nice that people noticed. I think I’m finally understanding that this is something I’m good at. I’m even doing makeup for two weddings this year!

Follow my personal account @alicenricard on Instagram to see my lipstick challenge pictures. If you can’t be bribed with makeup selfies, can I bribe you with the amount of cat pics I post?

List of Lipsticks used:

2018: A Summary

- coffeeshopcynic

What can I say about 2018 that hasn’t already been said? I think I’m just going to quote Greg from Crazy Ex Girlfriend (which I highly recommend if you haven’t see it).

I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to write a year end blog post this year but after sending a list of things I accomplished to my friend Andrea, I decided if any year deserves for me to brag about my accomplishments, it’s this year.

I saw this tweet by a YA author I love, and yes, that about sums it up. It was a year of learning. I learned so hard.

So let’s sum up 2018:

 

The Good:

I made not one but two ball gowns this year. I got to live out my fantasy of being a princess. The first one I had help on, but the second one I made all by myself in a week. This was definitely a huge accomplishment for me considering I only started sewing last year. I also made wizard robes for two friends of mine who wore them for their Harry Potter themed engagement shoot, so that was pretty freaking cool.

I also stopped working at coffee shops this year, and am now working full time as a communications coordinator for a non-profit.

This year at FanExpo I had a table where I had 75 of my cup cozy designs. I’m not great at designing stuff myself so it was certainly a challenge. I’m not proud of all of them but I’m proud of myself for trying, and also a lot of them turned out really great. Probably the highlight was getting to sell a Matt the Radar Technician cozy to someone who has cosplayed him. Since FanExpo I’ve also increased sales on my Etsy store which makes me happy. Every time someone leaves me great feedback it fills my heart with joy and makes the whole thing worth it.

I know I already wrote an entire blog post about this, but I would just like to state again that I WROTE A NOVEL. Sorry, don’t mind me while I brag a bit more because writing is really hard. So for those of you who don’t already know (which I’d be amazed if anyone didn’t know at this point) I wrote 50k words in three weeks for National Novel Writing Month. I finished the entire first draft of a novel I’ve been wanting to write for a long time. It’s a complete mess, but that’s what editing is for.

 

The Bad:

Okay, I’m going to make this brief because I don’t want to go into too many details about the utter mess that was this year. This year was a very personal challenge for me. There was a hospital scare with my Grandmother, there’s been some injuries and other personal issues,  and I had a long term relationship end. I hate the phrase “everything happens for a reason” because I think it’s bullshirt. Sometimes bad shirt just happens. It’s how you deal with it that counts. And honestly I probably could have dealt with most of it better, but I’m human and I’m trying.

 

The Ugly:

I’ve already talked about this is my last blog post as well, but it’s an important topic I think deserves repeating. I had quite the battle with depression this year. It started back in March and I was always able to come up with some excuse for why I wasn’t happy. Stress, the stuff I mentioned in the previous section, more stress. There was always an excuse. Until I ran out of excuses. Once I had a moment to catch my breath after preparing for FanExpo I fell into a depressive episode so bad I didn’t really leave my house. For three weeks. It wasn’t until I had a complete sobbing meltdown one night on a friend of mine in her car after a perfectly fun night that I realized I needed help and had to do something.

Distraction had been how I’d been dealing get with depression. Over the summer I read a lot of books and watched a completely ridiculous number of tv shows. And it made me feel good while I was doing it, but it didn’t last.

So I don’t ignore it anymore—I embrace it. I take antidepressants, I journal, I jog, I meditate, I allow myself to feel things (even if my poor friends probably wished I would feel less). I give myself challenges. I did NaNo even during a depressive episode. I’m learning to knit. I’m not hiding this part of myself anymore. I talk about it openly, because it’s nothing to be ashamed of. And I’ve had amazing friends who have supported me and let me cry on them/rant about my feelings.

 

Bring on 2019!

Since 2018 was a challenge, to say the least, a couple friends have told me that 2019 is going to be my year. So bring it! I’m ready.

The Struggle of NaNoWriMo

- coffeeshopcynic

Back in May I attended the Creative Ink Festival for readers and writers, run by a friend of mine (I even wrote a post about it here). After listening to writers all weekend, I felt inspired to actually try doing NaNoWriMo again. For those who don’t know, NaNoWriMo (or National Novel Writing Month) is something that happens every November. You sign up on the website and the goal is to write 50,000 words in a month. For those of you who don’t feel like doing the math, that’s 1667 words a day. It’s a slightly insane challenge but I’m stubborn and decided to go for it.

Now fast forward to October when I was supposed to be preparing for NaNo. I knew what story I wanted to write–I was finally going to write the novel I’ve been dreaming about writing since I was eighteen–but I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to do it. The first part of October was spent preparing for FanExpo and the last two weeks was supposed to be full of story planning so I would be ready for November. However, sometimes all the planning in the world can’t prepare you for the shirt life throws at you, and I wasn’t prepared for the challenge even scarier and more daunting than NaNo: depression. Depression is something I’ve struggled with for years, but I wasn’t expecting the depressive episode so bad I didn’t leave my house for three weeks.

To say I was afraid I wouldn’t succeed at NaNo was an understatement. I could barely function, let alone write a novel. However, my friend Andrea, who was also doing NaNo wasn’t going to let me give up without a fight. So instead of spending the end of October planning a novel, I spent it trying to pick myself back up again and mentally prepare myself for a challenge. Thanks to some antidepressants, a good self-care routine, and some great friends I was feeling good enough to start NaNo.

For weeks all I did was write. Luckily I had prepared food ahead of time so I didn’t have to spend any valuable writing time cooking. I tried getting up at 5am in the morning to write but it just wasn’t working for me. I’m way more productive in the evening. However, I continued getting up early so I could go for a run before work. It helped clear my head and gave me a good reason to get out of bed and start my day.

Writing was a challenge some days. You have no clue how many times the words “Writing is hard” was sent between Andrea and I. There were days that my characters would fight me and not do anything I wanted them to. There were also days depression would kick my ash and I wouldn’t want to write anything. However, giving my main character depression and having her struggle to do things as much as I was struggling to write was very cathartic.

I ended up finishing NaNo in 22 days, and I’ve never been more proud of myself for anything. My novel is a mess right now but I got a first draft done and that’s what matters. After all, I can clean it up with more drafts. Andrea and I have said “that’s a problem for future Alicen/Andrea” about things in our stories. The important thing is that i challenged myself and then I shocked myself by succeeding. I would have been happy to have just written 20,000 words in a month, but the fact that I wrote 50k in three weeks, surpassed all my expectations of myself. I often have trouble believing that I’m actually a writer, but maybe this will convince me.

Creative Ink 2018: or how I found my passion again

- coffeeshopcynic

I’ve known I wanted to be a writer since I was a strange five-year-old writing stories way too mature for my age. I’ve gone through many different genres and mediums of writing over the years, but I always knew that I just wanted to write.

Then I went to film school for screenwriting and after an intense year of doing nothing but writing, I kind of just stopped. I mean, I still write of course. I do write blog posts for a living as well as running this blog and writing fanfiction from time to time, but I stopped seeing myself as a writer. Don’t get me wrong, I loved film school, but after a year of hearing how hard the industry is and burning myself out, I needed a break.

So when Sandra told me about the Creative Ink Festival years after I graduated from film school, I felt like a fraud going. It’s a writing festival and I felt like I wasn’t a writer. I couldn’t deny it sounded really cool though so I let my friends talk me into it. I can wholeheartedly say I regret nothing. Not only did I feel completely at home there, I felt a passion for writing again that I haven’t felt in a long time.

The weekend started with a master class with C.C. Humphreys, where he taught us the secret of writing. What is it, you ask? The secret is “writing is writing”, but shh don’t tell anyone. It was so lovely to start of a great festival with such an information-packed class.

The rest of the weekend was filled with so many great panels. I learned about everything from writing routines and how to finish what you started to things like finding your writer’s voice and podcasting. I got so many pages of notes I can’t wait to go through again and apply to my writing.

I’ve never seen a more encouraging and inclusive group of writers than I did at the festival. All the panels were postive and informational and left me feeling like I wanted to go write all the things!

Between listening to all the panelists, speaking to other writers, and spending time around the guests of honour (C.C. Humphreys and Kevin Hearne), I’ve found my passion for writing again and I’m ready to take on this so-called writer’s block!

It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets a Shoe to the Face

- coffeeshopcynic

It’s been over a week since we got back from Emerald City Comic Con and I’m not even sure if I’ve processed it all yet. To say I was nervous and stressed out over the whole thing would be an understatement. I had been freaking out for weeks beforehand, not only that I wouldn’t finish my cosplays in time, but also that the large crowd of people would make me panicky. I’ve been to conventions before but this was the biggest one yet. Not only was I fine, but I had the best time I’ve ever had at a convention.

I’ve already talked about three of my cosplays in my previous blog post, and they all ended up turning out really great even if I was worried about wig styling, but now I’m excited to be able to talk about the dress I wore on the Saturday. This dress was really a dream come true. It was loosely based on the idea of a Princess Leia/Cinderella mashup but we generally just called it Disney Princess Leia for anyone that asked.

I’m not really sure how I decided to do this but sometime last year I was on Pinterest and saw a bunch of Leia artwork and one was Leia drawn in Disney Princess style and I knew it was something I had to do. So I recruited Julia as my only slightly reluctant accomplice and started in on what was going to be my biggest project to date. I took a pattern I already owned (for another ballgown I swear I will make one day) and altered it to fit my vision. We ended up adding more panels of fabric to the skirt as the original pattern wasn’t meant to go over the hoop skirt I was planning on wearing underneath it. Sleeves were added at one point and some things that were a part of my original vision were let go. This dress took months out of my life and probably gave me some grey hair while I was at it, but I can’t even begin to explain how worth it, it all was.

It was a childhood dream come true to walk around in a gown and very sparkly heels all day. Julia was dressed as my Prince Charming Han Solo (her idea guys, I swear!) and we were stopped so many times for pictures. Hell we even did a mini photo shoot on the stairs in our hotel. I had a lot of Cinderella feelings okay. I say this every time I cosplay at a con but there’s something really magical about having tiny children come up to you and get really excited about your costume. I had so many little girls ask me to take a picture with them. Normally, I’m terrible with kids but as soon as I’m in costume I weirdly seem to be able to handle them. I even met Jennifer Morrison while wearing the dress and she said I looked gorgeous. Yeah, I’m really surprised I could say words after that.

All in all it was an amazing con and an amazing experience. But I’m sure you have one more question. What the hell is the title of this post talking about? Well, after a whole day of wearing my sparkly heels, I was very excited to kick them off and I accidentally kicked too high and hit our friend Katherine in the face. Yup, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have one klutzy moment.

And now I start preparing for the next con.

The Wait is Over: The Journey to ECCC

- coffeeshopcynic

I’ve been planning for Emerald City Comic Con for months. Ever since I ended up not being able to go last year, I wanted to make sure that this year’s was amazing. So I’ve worked my ass off on planning my cosplays to make sure that they’re awesome.

So Thursday I’ve got Rose Tyler, which was a fairly last minute addition when David Tennant and Billie Piper were announced and we decided to go for an extra day. I’m decently happy with it, even if I feel like a Barbie doll with long blonde hair, wearing that much pink. The eyeliner has been fun, though. Hello teenage years, how I didn’t miss you but your eyeliner was fun.

Friday’s cosplay is one I’ve been trying to do for the past year: Hoth Leia. I tried to do it last year at ECCC and wasn’t able to because I got sick and ended up having to stay home. Then I tried again for FanExpo Vancouver last year and had a wig malfunction last minute. I’m not going to lie, I’m not happy with how the costume has turned out but my friends and girlfriend have been trying to convince me that it’s fine and I should just wear it anyways. I guess I’m just disappointed because Empire Strikes Back has been my favourite movie since I was a little girl and I really want to do this costume justice.

I am dying to talk about Saturday’s cosplay but I’m keeping it a secret until the convention (except to all my poor friends who must be beyond sick of hearing about it). Don’t worry, I’ll talk all about it in the second part of this blog post that I’ll publish after ECCC is done. All I’ll say now is that five-year-old Alicen would screech with joy if she knew twenty-three-year-old Alicen was going to end up making this costume.

Lastly, Sunday’s cosplay is another one I’m super excited for (in theory): Punk Leia. I saw some amazing Punk Leia art on Pinterest ages ago and have wanted to do a cosplay inspired by it ever since. However, it didn’t actually become a part of my ECCC plans until a couple months ago. Before that I had even more ambitious plans, that I’m really glad I talked myself out of. Anyways, I don’t know how I feel about this costume right now. I’m having some wig issues because I am completely useless when it comes to hair (and I won’t even have anyone with me that is useful with hair). At this point I’m basically going to wing it and hope to hell it works.

Stay tuned for both pictures from Emerald City Comic Con and the blog post I’m going to be writing afterwards.

This is Fine: or my life is a meme

- coffeeshopcynic

Back when I was still working at Starbucks a coworker and I used to reference this meme all the time.All we’d have to say is “this is fine” and we’d both burst out giggling because we knew that meant things were anything but and what else could we do.

I haven’t worked at that job in eight months but I still reference it frequently. You’re probably all asking, “Why are you rambling on about this Alicen?” Well, because I’m stressed as hell and if I can’t laugh about stupid memes I’m just going to curl into a ball and not move for the next two months and that isn’t going to help anybody.

Why am I stressed? Oh man, there’s a whole list. Emerald City Comic Con prep, making wizard robes for friends, and my neck being out are just a couple examples but you know what? It doesn’t matter why I’m stressed. Life is freaking hard people and we could complain all day about it but I’ve decided to laugh over stupid memes instead.

So what memes get you guys through stressful times? Feel free to share them with me.